3/4

Sometimes I have random thoughts or make observations and suddenly I can picture a blog post based on that thought or idea. This has been happening to me pretty frequently, but I still haven't been able to click the "New Post" button in quite some time. About three months.

A lot of things have been on my mind but I just haven't been able to find the words. Even now, as I write this post which isn't really saying much of anything yet, I struggle to find the words, as I type, delete, and retype.

I kept up with this blog for three quarters of the year. In the beginning, it was fresh and I had a lot to say. I finished up my junior year, and summer brought a whole mess of adventures. I traveled to Quito, fell in love with thirty little babies, and saw the beautiful mountains that I've dreamt about for a long time. I went on an amazing vacation with my family and finished the summer at camp in Esopus. I wrote and wrote and wrote. This blog helped me make a carbon copy of the summer, something I could look back on and attempt to relive that time, even though that's not exactly possible. School started back up and a month in, I fell off the wagon. I'm realizing now that I didn't run out of things to say, it just became very difficult to sort through the many ideas I've been having the last few months.

So here's what I've wanted to say for the last few months.

Everything is relative. I've been dismissing the definitive ideas of good and bad, right and wrong, successful and unsuccessful, etc. I've especially been considering these ideas as they relate to people. This type of thinking feels productive and helpful for my work in music therapy.

I love Christmas. It's my favorite time of year. I'm always secretly scared of that time after the holidays. It never feels good.

This semester I had the opportunity to do my fieldwork in a songwriting program with kids in Philadelphia. I learned a lot about kids, songwriting, and myself. It was quite rewarding.

I begin my full-time music therapy internship in January, the last piece of my degree. I graduate in May. I hope to be done with my internship by July, move back to New York, and begin my master's degree in the fall.

Violence, needless loss, and heartache have filled the hearts of our nation and world as of late. I hope we can keep overpowering the hatred with love. I hope we can rebuild. I hope as we rebuild, we try something new. I hope we recognize the important role that mental healthcare plays in our society.

I keep having the thought that some of the worst possible situations have been happening close to home, but this is being paralleled with some of the best, most human moments I have witnessed in my life. Don't lose hope. There's still love all around.

It felt good to document this year. This blog has certainly become something that I'm excited to read this New Year's Eve...and we'll see about next year.

Is that all you need?

I always seem to find myself right here, or somewhere around here, when life gets a little crazy and there are plenty of other things that need to get done. But here I am. I think I'll do everything else better and more efficiently if I can just get some things out of the way.

There are only a few days left of September and plenty more days left of my favorite season of the year. It always slips by so quickly, so I'm trying to savor the perfection of layering sweaters, pumpkin lattes, and leaves on the ground.

School is school. Lately it's felt like just another path to where I'm trying to get. It's necessary, even when it feels like nonsense. But really, tell me again why it's necessary for me to be able to calculate the distance from here TO EVERY CONSTELLATION IN THE UNIVERSE. Also, for the record, after over three years of discussing it in every class, I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY RACE EXISTS OR WHAT TO DO ABOUT RACISM. Let's just love each other. Do you think I'd get full credit on a test for that answer? I just want to play music with people. Just let me do that.

The two most important men in my life celebrated birthdays this month, and celebrate they did! I recorded Volcano by Damien Rice for my dad because he loves it. Here it is:

Volcano by Damien Rice

Things I love right now are fall, life, and love.

You know that I could be in love with almost everyone.

I would say something dramatic referring to the possibility that this week was my last first week of classes ever, but let's face it, I'm a big nerd and will likely be in school forever. This week might have been my last first week of classes at Temple though (but somehow I doubt that, too).

Anyway, it was a pretty good week.

I met a man in a coffee shop who had ridden his bike across the world in memory of a friend who died on 9/11. He told me that one day I will be so much more than I can even imagine right now. I finished my coffee, went back to class, went on with my week, but still haven't lost the thrill of a complete stranger telling me how exciting my future will be. There's something incredibly exciting about a person, who is completely unattached to you and your well-being, having total confidence that your life will be an amazing adventure.

You don't meet people in the suburbs like you do in cities. Cities make me feel alive.

Exhibit A: Street Yoga

Well, here's to a premature three-day weekend. You'd think they'd save these things for when I'm desperately in need of sleep at the end of the semester. I'll be enjoying it anyway!

This is the first day of my life.

Sometimes we build things up in our heads, and when whatever we've been waiting for finally comes around, it's not nearly as exciting as we remember it being. Well, that's not at all how camp was this week. Every year I wait twelve months for the best week of my year and it never disappoints.

The only disappointing part of this week was ending up in the hospital and having to leave camp early. That's irrelevant to this post, though. (Don't worry, I'm fine!)

Camp always opens my eyes to the beauty that I often shut out. It revives my awareness of the little things in life. It confirms my passion for caring for people, and it erases my inadequacies about doing so.

It was a great week at Esopus. I wish every day of my life could be a camp day, but I guess that's what makes it so special. It has to be savored. But at the same time, why can't every day of my life be a camp day? I guess I have that kind of power. We all do.

My mind is racing with thoughts of this summer. From the moment my plane took off for Quito, Ecuador, two months ago, this summer has completely flown by. I tried my best to process and organize and document all that this summer has given to me, but to be honest, it felt like a whirlwind. A very exciting whirlwind.

So now I'm off to Philly this week, ready to take on a new adventure. I can't believe my senior year of college is creeping up on me already. It's right around the corner, ready to be taken advantage of completely. I know that with a little help from my friends, that task will be done and done well.

A big thank you to everyone who made this summer all that it was. I could've done all the same things by myself, but it never would have been as special without the wonderful people in my life.

Esopus.

Let me tell you about a magical place. A place that goes unmatched in my book.

Sometimes it feels like a bubble, but I think it's okay to live in a bubble every once in a while.

This place is green and warm, except for the chilly nights. The sun always shines, even on the rainy days when there's nothing to do except play games and watch movies. Gym games and High School Musical and we're soaring, flying. There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach.

All are welcome. All are welcome to laugh and play or scream and cry. All are welcome to be exactly who they are, free of judgment. Free to fly.

It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from. All that matters is if you like walks down to the river and golf cart rides. And if you don't, well that's okay too. We can just sit in the big wooden chairs and sing Beatles' songs all day long.

We can take a nap in the room with the walls made of rock.

We can sing and dance but if it all gets to be too much, we can go to a quiet place to sit and talk. We can talk about your family and your school and what scares you and makes you smile that beautiful smile. You'll make me laugh. You always do.

Tea parties in the kitchen. One black tea with honey and one peppermint tea, or coffee with milk on the tired days. A peanut butter cup for each of us. And one for your friend, who only you can see.

Roasting marshmallows around a fire and singing songs, always dedicated to that special someone.

Kiss the girl. Let it be. Sometimes your courage brings tears to my eyes.

A midnight swim for the one we lost. Remembering our friend and holding onto one another for support. His bravery, his love, his wrist filled with all the girls' hair ties. I can see you in the summertime. (I wish that I could see you one more time.)

You say more to me with your eyes than anyone has ever said to me with words. And you offer your favorite thing in the world to me and we play without all the unnecessary sounds. Just shared looks, as your plastic chain swings between us.

I'll sing "The Way You Look Tonight" to you all night if you'll just close your eyes. I can't sing that song without you coming to mind, and literally, the way you looked that night, when we danced in the gym and you couldn't stop smiling.

Your love is free and it flows through the air, over the acres of land in upstate New York.

Your love has no limits and it carries me through my year, as the months slip farther and farther from August, and then closer and closer until we're back.

And then we're laughing and singing on the bus and we're all headed to our favorite place on Earth and nothing is as beautiful as this moment.

Nothing is as beautiful to me as the time I've spent at camp, in Esopus, with the special people I have met there. The people that make "disability" a meaningless word, because their abilities are so profound. They love with every fiber of their being, and I am so blessed to be the recipient of that kind of unconditional love. This world is a nicer place because of them.

9 things I want to say about music (and corresponding YouTube videos)

1. I'm just going to get this one over with--I like pop music. I don't ironically like pop music. I genuinely like it. It makes me feel good. It makes me want to dance. Stop saying you hate pop music to sound cool. I know you like it. You do.

2. Vocal harmonies have intrinsic beauty that does not depend on how well the engineer tweaked them to perfection. Gimme some raw harmonies.

3. Everyone knows that the more instruments you play, the cooler you are. What I want to say is that the more instruments you play on one recording or live song, the cooler you are.

4. I'm not gonna be all crazy and say I'm suddenly into Taylor Swift, but I'm also not going to say that I haven't had "Our Song" stuck in my head for the past month. This video is beyond ridiculous.

5. I cant get down with relaxation music. Like I think it's cool that it works for some people, and I've definitely seen it work for a lot of clients that I've worked with, but it makes me anxious. Check this out and see how it makes you feel.

http://soundcloud.com/justmusiclabel/marconi-union-weightless/s-kttxT

6. Once in a while something awesome comes out of American Idol. I think Damien Rice might be cool with this recording.

7. Okay so I'm not necessarily "into jazz," but as my jazz friends so lovingly put it, I'm "into being into jazz." Basically what that means is that I like hanging out with people who play jazz and going to see jazz shows and talking about how cool Kind of Blue by Miles Davis is. I accept my place in the jazz world.

8. I think some musicians have the whole package. They can sing like an angel and play a mean guitar and write beautiful lyrics and be all successful. But I also think that you only really need to be incredibly talented at one of those things to make it. This guy isn't the best singer I've ever heard but his writing is the most beautiful poetry I've ever known. 

 

9. I am constantly picking out wedding songs with no particular future husband in mind. If that's wrong, I don't want to be right.

 

Home sweet home.

The last day with the kids in Quito was a lot like I imagined it. They didn't understand that we were leaving. They ran out to their parents at the end of the day and didn't look back. It made things a lot easier on me. It reminded me how adaptable children are. They are resilient. They bounce back, and I'm almost certain that we're already a memory to them. I don't mean this in a sad way, because I truly believe in the difference we've made in the past two weeks. I believe that being loved and nurtured is the way children grow up to feel secure. I wish I could spend fifty two weeks per year giving children the love that they deserve, but I guess that job will fall into my hands soon enough. In a year I hope to be caring for kids through music, and in ten years I hope to be taking care of kids of my own.

It's nice to be home but I miss the people and weather and dogs and fresh juice of Quito! I miss our host family and dulce de leche and playing with little kids. Home has been relaxing compared to the action-packed, energy-draining days of running after kids, speaking Spanish, and touring Quito. It's comforting to be back in my own bed and with my family again.

I missed my guitar a lot so I spent some quality time with it today. I wrote some new lyrics that I really like, but I couldn't write much music. I only have another day before we're separated again! We're leaving for Puerto Plata on Sunday morning. I'm excited to spend a lot of time with my family and practice Spanish even more. I've decided to look into some kind of Spanish class, hopefully this fall, but definitely some time within the year. It's become increasingly important to me to master this language and with all the practice I've had in the last two weeks, I've realized that it's possible.

I have a beautiful picture of me and Courtney with our host family that I will be sure to post as soon as a I put it on my computer. I am so grateful that I was able to get to know them.

Thanks for reading and for all the support through this experience. If you keep reading, I'll keep writing! Paz a todos.

Music day.

Today was great because kids are great. Before I left for Quito, I bought a few instruments to bring for the kids. I wasn't sure whether or not to even bring them in when I met all thirty of los niños. I decided to bring them today and it ended up being a great idea. Music is so motivating! Of course, after completing 3/4 of a bachelor degree in music therapy, this is not the first time I've stumbled upon this phenomenon. It was just cool to experience it here because, as corny as it sounds, music really does have the power to transcend language barriers.

Music is motivating because it is inviting and rewarding. Today, a little boy who I haven't heard speak for the past week and a half, sang some of the words to "La Araña Pequenita" or "The Itsy Bitsy Spider." When I took out a tambourine, a group of kids sat around me and took turns hitting it while we sang a song about un barquito that my Grandma and cousin Olivia taught me. Now, this may not seem like a big deal, but it was the first time that the kids actually shared something without fighting since I've been here. (Of course, they required quite a few "Si quieres tocar, tienes que sentarse!") It was a big deal!!! Music is motivating. I rest my case.

Tomorrow is our last day of work. I'm not looking forward to saying goodbye to the kids. They're so young that they will likely forget us soon, but we'll never forget them. I hope that some part of their lives have been affected by our presence here. I feel like we've been here forever, but what's two weeks in the life of a kid? It's so strange to just walk away. Today I was listening to music with a little boy named Lenny who (shhh don't tell) is easily my favorite. Him and I have had a lot of fun times the past two weeks. Anyway, we were playing some American pop music and the song "Gonna Get Over You" by Sara Bareilles came on. He was sitting on my lap and we were singing to each other, him pretending to know the words in a language he doesn't speak, while I was singing the line "Ohhhh how am I gonna get over you?" I don't know how I'll get over Lenny or Michael, Mateo, Cristofer, Janita, Daniella, Martin, Alejandro, or Taira, but maybe I don't have to. Maybe I can always keep them with me, wishing them well wherever they are, with whatever they do, and whoever they grow up to be.

 

 

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Pictures and video that wouldn't post last night...day

 

 

 

View of Quito from El Panecillo from kelsala on Vimeo.

 

 

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Mountain day.

I've loved mountains ever since I started watching the WB show, Everwood, when I was a kid. I remember wanting to live in Everwood, Colorado, a small town surrounded by mountains, where everyone knew each other. Well, Quito is kind of reminding me of Everwood. It doesn't matter where you are in the city, you're completely surrounded by beautiful, snow-capped mountains and volcanoes.

Today we went to El Panecillo, which is a mountain-top statue of Mama Mary with wings. It was breathtaking. I have never seen anything like the view from up there.

I took a video from up on the statue but for some reason I can't post it :( and I'm losing patience because I'm very tired so I'll try to update this post with the video tomorrow. It's awesome.

Last night we went to a karaoke bar! I sang "Let It Be" and "Someone Like You." It was a lot of fun. We drank beer from tiny glasses. Very classy. I'll add pictures tomorrow. My usually trusty app Blogsy is failing me!

Buenos noches a todos!

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Quito day.

This will be a short one because we're leaving for la discoteca! Today we went downtown. We found a cool shop that sold local goods, a fair trade shop, and a delicious restaurant! We ate tamales, pollo, chocolate con queso (they're so smart), and helado. For two three course meals it cost us twenty seven dollars!

Today I got to video chat with so many people I love! They were all at my Uncle Eddie's annual July 4th BBQ. Thank God for technology or I would've missed it for the first time in my life.

Here are some pictures :)

 

 

 

 

 

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Sick day.

Well, it's been a sneezy week and when we woke up this morning, we realized that we probably needed a sick day. Courtney caught a cold from the kids and my allergies have been driving me crazy from the first day we got here. The food has also been a little tough on my stomach. We've been sleeping all day, trying to rest so we can do some sightseeing this weekend. This week has felt very long, and it's finally caught up with us. Being in a foreign country is incredibly overwhelming and the thought of only being halfway done is a little bit scary, to be honest. We've enjoyed every day here, but things like our health, the language barrier, and the large amount of kids we've been taking care of seem to be a bit more than we can handle. We're trying to take it day by day.

Thanks again for reading. Here are some more pictures of the babies that we love so very much :)

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Tired day.

Wow. Estoy cansada. I even took a nap when we got home and I'm still tired. It's a good tired. It's like the feeling you have when you have to wake up early for something awesome like a wedding or vacation. I've been waking up and pushing the tired out of my mind because I know I get to spend my day with the coolest kids.

I'm so glad Courtney and I came here together. I wouldn't want to be alone here, mostly because every day something unexpected happens. It's nice to lean on each other. Courtney is also one of the funniest people you'll ever meet so she has been the comic relief in my life for the last five days (but also for the last nine years!)

Short post because I'm tired but here are some pictures! Thanks to everyone who is reading. Happy 4th!

 

 

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Half day.

Today we had a half day because of the Superior General's visit to the convent. We got to meet her! She was so nice (she's the head of Mother Teresa's order sooo...) and I felt so lucky to have the opportunity to talk to her for a few minutes. Courtney pointed out that she's the first woman we've met here that is as tall as we are! She gave us little cards with a picture of Mother Teresa and a short prayer on the back. It was a great experience.

We spent most of the day just hanging out. We just finished having dinner con la familia. There was a lot of laughing, mostly at our expense because no hablamos español! Well, we do, but it's just funny to them when we say things because it's usually slow and with a confused look on our faces. One of my mom's coworkers and good friends asked her if they celebrate July 4th in Ecuador (jajaja) so at dinner I told the family and at first they laughed, but then Geovanna said she actually has off from her English class mañana for the 4th! So they do in fact celebrate July 4th here! (Happy 4th a todos en Los Estados Unidos!!!) Also, Geovanna got her first 100% on the English homework that we helped her with. Woohoo todos estan aprendiendo otras idiomas!

Here are some pictures!

A mariachi band for Sister Prema and the kids!

Las hermanitas y los niños

Herman Prema y Los niños

Walk down the driveway and make a right and this is the view!

Mis amores

 

 

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First day.

I wrote this on Monday but I guess it never posted! Today was our first day of work at the Sisters of Calcutta convent. There are about thirty kids! It's loco. They are the cutest little babies. And they really are babies. Some of them are probably around one year old and the oldest is probably about five years old. We played all day long. They have toys, but most of them are broken or missing parts. We had to be creative but most of the kids seem to have great imaginations. The day flew by and we were working for eight hours!

THIS IS THE COOLEST PART OF THE BLOG POST SO PAY ATTENTION! The Mother Superior of the Sisters of Calcutta is visiting the convent this week!!! She's Mother Teresa's successor's successor! I'm really hoping we get to meet her tomorrow. I guess we picked the right time to be here! Is it weird to ask to take a picture with her? Give me your input...

If you haven't had cantaloupe juice, get on a plane to Quito right now and join us for breakfast tomorrow. It's so delicious. I'm going to miss fresh juice every day when we leave. Maybe I'll buy a juicer.

Here are some pictures!

 

 

 

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Family day.

Today we spent the whole day with our host family. We started the morning with breakfast made by Carita, the youngest sister. We had some fresh bread, queso fresco, hot dogs (might sound strange but was great with breakfast...spoken like a true ex-vegetarian!), hot chocolate, fresh juice, and fruit. After breakfast we all got ready and started the journey to have a family lunch at a cousin's house. On the way, a road was closed for a parade. We had to stop and there was no way of getting out so Luis, our host dad, told us to get out and we all hung out at the parade until we could get through. This part of the day helped me appreciate the culture here. I was thinking that if this happened in New York, people would be sitting in their cars, laying on their horns for that hour. Before we left, our mentor from UBELONG, Cedric, said that it's important to remember that the culture here isn't better or worse than American culture, it's just different. This seems simple but it has already helped me a few times. Here are some pictures from the parade!

 

We've been noticing that after listening to a lot of Spanish, we feel very drained. This happened during lunch today, but I felt better after talking to Courtney in English for a few minutes. It's a very interesting thing, but I guess it just takes a ton of energy to understand a language that you don't speak fluently. We're trying our best!

For lunch we had chicken, rice, potatoes (big surprise!), salad, and avocado. We were so full but then they made us eat two desserts (and by that I mean we gladly accepted every delicious thing they put on our plates). We watched fútbol and the Ecuadorian team beat Barcelona! Everyone was pretty excited about it. I'm going to skip over the part of this post where I pretend to know something about professional soccer :)

We went to mass at the church here in Tumbaco. The whole congregation says a rosary before mass which is pretty cool. And I know the Hail Mary in Spanish so I just played it cool and totally blended in, with my blonde hair, blue eyes, and all five-foot-nine of me.

After mass we walked home, had some tea and a snack, had our orientation, and helped Geovanna with her English homework! Geovanna gave us our orientation, which was mostly about the project we'll start working on tomorrow con los niños! She also told us not to flush toilet paper (too late) and that we are very welcome here. After that she took out her English books and we got cracking on writing topic sentences. English is stupid and inconsistent. Geovanna works for UBELONG and another job, takes English classes, and takes classes for her Masters degree. She's awesome. We had a good time helping her with her homework.

And now it's time for bed! Goodnight!

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Potato day.

We just spent the entire day in Quito. The house we're staying at is in Tumbaco, which is about twenty minutes from downtown Quito. So today was Día Nacional de la Papa. Yes, that's right, the entire country celebrated potatoes today. There was a big celebration in la Plaza San Francisco that consisted of guitar playing, singing, dancing and "el locro mas grande del mundo" or the biggest soup in the world. In the middle of the square there was a giant pot of potato soup. We got some of el locro for lunch with Laura, a member of our host family. It was potato, queso fresco, and avocado. Muy delicioso!

 

National Potato Day was obviously my favorite part of today. My second favorite part was going to the top of La Bisilica. Well, almost the top. The altitude hasn't been affecting us too badly, but with all the walking today we were feeling a little out of breath. By the time we went up the first set of deathly steep stairs, we decided that one level was enough. We got a beautiful view of Quito, without dying. Our host family was laughing at us at dinner about it, especially as we were describing it and Courtney grabbed her chest and said, "mi corazón!"

Speaking of our host family, they're the best! They're so welcoming and are helping us practice Spanish. Y que rica la comida! We're going to a family lunch tomorrow. We're not sure what to expect but it sounds like a great time. We're also going to go to mass at the church in Tumbaco, the neighborhood we're staying in. Well, estoy cansada so I'm going to go to sleep!

P.S. I feel like Dora the Explorer every time I type a sentence half in Spanish, half in English.

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Estamos aqui!

We're in Quito! Our flights were good but we're both exhausted and glad to finally be here. I can already tell that we're in good hands. There's not much to say yet, other than Ecuadorian babies are the cutest, there are muchos perritos at this house, and I'm pretty sure we are neighbors with a rooster who is confused because it's only 1am and he won't shut up!

 

Miami!

 

 

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